Childhood trauma is a real issue to contend with. It’s a place that no one wants to admit, let alone recognize. For too many years, I have heard children being asked the question, “What do you have to be worried about?” Followed up with the statement, “You just don’t know. You don’t have a care in the world. I wish I were a child again.”
These statements may sound harmless at the time, but it gives off a sense of superiority and arrogance in the belief that they, “the adults,” knew or know everything without even having to ask or consider.
When we think about what it means to be a child, it’s easy to see why this may be a difficult concept for some adults to conceptualize. Children are innocent beings who haven’t yet experienced any of life’s difficulties. But the reality is that there are many children struggling in ways you can’t even imagine and just because they’re kids doesn’t mean that we (trusted adults, teachers, parents, caregivers, guardians and disciplinarians) should make them feel like outsiders at their own school, community or home environment.
In order to help children and teens to heal from their pasts and get back on track with their lives, it’s important to first recognize what childhood trauma is. Trauma is a whole emotional response to something that inspires and brings about stress. This can be a disastrous place stemming from life events spanning from a multiplicity of situations that have made the traumatized individual feel unloved, unsafe and disconnected. For everyone reading this blog today, I decree and declare that you feel not only loved, but accepted, worthy and valued from life building sources. Healed people heal people.
It was brought to my attention as a Therapeutic Counselor that children with behavioral and emotional challenges are merely experiencing some of the same traumas adults once did when they were young. Lack of empathy, compassion and consideration causes attending adults to be selfish and/or absent minded concerning this truth. This forethought should cause alarm and prompt more adults toward the attitude of vigilance, inquisitiveness and awareness; many members of this adult population currently have hurts, habits and hangups to include faith, depression, and anger issues as they are still trying to process, forgive, understand and heal from matters concerning their own childhoods.
Life is not perfect and certainly not all peaches and cream for anyone. Not even children. Now granite, there are some who manage to walk away from critical childhood development years a bit more unscathed than others, but the fact remains that everyone on the face of the planet has their own issues to contend with. Sadly, there is no age limit to this truth.
How many topics were you able to intelligibly voice concerning personal feelings and traumatizing experiences as a child? Emotions have and continue to be some of life’s most complicated recurring events one will ever experience. Yes. This includes children as well.
Do yourself a favor and give the little child in you a hug and an apology for all the times you did understand, blamed yourself and did not allow him/her to have a voice.
Let me be your counselor today by telling you how to be your own hero today through the important portal of the mind. Understanding is communicated through a series of intentional select words chosen to share. Strive to create an atmosphere where your children feel loved, safe and connected. Ultimately, we want to be a voice of understanding for our children to include the traumatized child. Some things may be revealed to you about your child’s experiences, others may not. A good rule of thumb is to treat your children the way you would have liked to be treated as a child. In an article written this year the question, “What’s wrong with you” was analyzed and reframed as it relates to being directed toward a child.
“Having somebody who sees you, fully sees and recognizes you and you can connect to that, changes the way you view yourself and view the world. And that’s why “what happened to you” (instead of – what’s wrong with you) is so important to all of us.” – Oprah
“Healing really comes from these moments where people are present, attentive, attuned, and truly see you, as Oprah says.” – Dr. Perry
Healing reflection questions:
What did you want to say as a child but never had the opportunity? What would you say if you felt like someone truly cared and was listening to you?
Reference
From CBS This Morning: Dokoupil, Tony. “Oprah, Dr. Bruce Perry Examine Childhood Trauma in New Book ‘What Happened to You?” Mad in America – Science, Psychiatry and Social Justice. May 1, 2021.
1 Comment
It’s difficult to find experienced people for this topic, but you seem like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks